Day 72 here.
My first love got married a couple weeks ago and today was the day I felt it. Whoooooosh. It is pretty incredible how delicate and layered sober emotions are. It's like I've been listening to power chords for years and then went to a really, really good harp concert. Just all of those feelings of this very unique moment in my life -- so much happiness for him, so much nostalgia for our time together, so much sadness and loss, so much pride in my self and my life, and aging! and the meaning of it! and the human heart! and the meaning of love! yada yada yada yada....
I went to an amazing giant arboretum/botanical garden west of the city and just walked around feeling. By the end I was just blissful (even if now I've got a wash of the saudade again).
TS, like you I feel like some kind of corner has been turned in my thinking... I woke up today knowing my day was going to be colored because I had a big sweet and melancholic dream about him last night. Without thinking about it I got everything I needed to do out of the way ASAP so I could go to yoga and be outside... I think I would have handled it similarly a month ago but more in a rote "This is what I do to make sure I don't drink" kind of way. This time it was a natural reaction to seeing that I was Having The Feels. Good instincts! Where did those come from!
Anyway yeah. Feelings, damn. They are so incredibly overwhelming and so pretty, too. This has been a Very Human Day.