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Old 09-19-2015, 03:44 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
TheMiddleSister
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Seattle
Posts: 7
Just to say...

(I'm new here, and new to having an alcoholic family member, but what strikes me in reading your thread is this...)

It is your husband's drinking that is hurtful and dangerous to you and your baby, not your husband himself, and it is your husband's drinking that you know you must keep away from yourself and the baby.

Sadly, the man himself, who you love and care for and would like to help, cannot be separated from his drinking until he has gone through the long hard process of becoming sober and staying that way.

So when you kicked his drinking out, you had to kick him out as well. When you refuse to let his drinking come back home, you have no choice but to keep the man away too. That sucks for AH, but then there are plenty of things that suck about being an alcoholic.

He is the only person with the power to separate the man and the drinking. What you have to power to do is to keep yourself and your child safe.

I'd suggest you set much more stringent boundaries, such as not allowing him in your home until he has been sober (demand to see the UA) for a good solid length of time: 30 days at the very, very least. Pack up his stuff for him, or arrange for him to come in and get it when you & the baby are out and some 3rd party you trust can be there to let him in and supervise what he packs (you may want to pack away or hide any especially important items you don't want him to take). If you choose to let him keep seeing your baby, meet him on some sort of neutral ground (church? grandparents? child care facility?) with trusted 3rd parties on hand.

Change the locks on your doors at home. Seriously, do this. (If you're a renter, you can probably get your landlord to do this for a fairly modest fee.)

It may be too early for you to even be thinking about divorce, but consider consulting a lawyer about getting a legal separation. It's easier to get (and I think also cheaper) than a DVRO, and can help protect you legally from all sorts of stuff he might pull. If you do decide to get a DVRO, being legally separated makes it easier to get one. I'd also suggest moving whatever money, assets, and credit accounts you hold jointly with him into your name only. Get a safe-deposit box if you can afford it, or else get a good strong lockbox you can bolt to something.

Enough with the unsolicited practical advice:
Be strong, and know that you are doing the right thing in taking care of yourself and your baby.

(And, even if you do nothing else I've suggested, please change those locks.)
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