Originally Posted by
Incontrol15 
Once the honey moon is over, life can become a bore. Eh...that doesn't really work here. Well, maybe. The honey moon was a liberating feeling that I finally broke free from years of drug and alcohol abuse. Now comes the hard work. I have to figure out how to have fun, or how to get relaxed, or how to be sociable. Amp put it best...I have to figure out who I am. I'm beginning to see that it really doesn't take much effort as much as it takes experience or trial and error. It takes time. Of course I am steering the ship better than before. But I don't have to try so hard to have fun. I don't have to try so hard to be relaxed or to be sociable. It all depends on my mood. When my mood is poor, I often don't realize it. Takes a little bit for me to see I'm making things worse for myself. When I come to that realization, taking 10-15 minutes, or even 1 minute to close my eyes and feel what I'm feeling. I try to soak it in. Try to figure out what's behind it. HALT maybe? Then I decide...does it have to be this way? Of course not. Then I take a deep breath, open my eyes, put a smile on, then fake it till I make it.
Incontrol -- Wonderful insight! I think you've offered a great tool of stepping away from your reaction to form a response. By sinking into the moment you're struggling, you're able to slow down and change your thinking, to change your response to your struggle.
Im not sure why I never felt liberated, proud or joyful over initially breaking out of substance abuse. Instead I fast forwarded directly to the uncertainty, irritability and depression of trying to live without booze and navigating through people, places and things sober. I can really relate to the struggle others have with figuring all of that out.
The Open House last night went well. I got to meet my son's teacher, see some of his work, and of course catch up with lots of people. I'm one of those people who loves to touch base with everyone I know. While chatting with some the teachers who worked with my oldest for several years, I noticed I had a huge smile on my face. I thought, this time last year I could barely contain my tears. I felt awkward, out of sync with everyone else, and numb. I was between jobs. I couldn't help my kids stay organized or make sure they did their homework. I made them buy lunch every day.
I still have moments when I don't want to help them organize, or am too crunched for time to make lunch. What busy parent of two kids doesn't? The difference is the reason behind it.
Trial and error is what it took, and patience and time, practicing the AA principles, a little bit every day, whether I was struggling or feeling ok, in all areas of my life, to get from where I was, a desperate sober alcoholic, to where I am today, a grateful recovering alcoholic. All of the alcoholics I know help me get here. All we can do is keep working at it, together.
Thanks for this amazing recovery conversation, Undies. It helps me live a good life. I hope it helps you too!