I understand what you mean 123hope . Before I became an alcoholic , I had dated one when I was younger . I could never figure out why he couldn't just stop . Of course I know the answer now . It's because it takes you over body & mind , you don't care about nothing & no one but the next drink . You'll run over everyone in your path to get to it . Yes when you are some what sober , you hate yourself . So that gives another reason to drink , cause you think your a rotten person . Vicious cycle ...