thank you for your suggestions, all so helpful. I am glad Shootingstar that you found a new partner and ended the relationship with your alcoholic. Yes they do make you feel worthless and it is easy to believe that that is the truth. I have come to believe many of the things he said to me: that I was high minded, anal, jealous/possessive etc etc I felt I was a nag, boring, unattractive and demanding. He made fun of any of the positive things I did for myself and made me feel stupid for trying any of the things I did for myself to improve my chances of finding work I'd enjoy and to keep myself healthy. Yet still I love him and think of him as my best friend. I just longed for a home to share with someone I loved but for him this was not a priority...his freedom and alcohol comes first..
I am so sad and lonely but I want to get through this and have a life.