Morning all!
It's no secret I have been struggling with my emotions for several weeks now and how to deal with them. You can read my posts and my blog and see the issues I am having and have had. I have times where I win small battles but for the most part I feel like I am sinking and having to find out how to dig myself out.
It also seems to throw me into depression. So carefully I walk through the halls of emotions. I am trying to deal with one thing at a time. When my subconscious tries to be negative and stir up things that aren't true or that bare no grounds, I tell myself, "********-you know that's not true". I am recognizing that I have created a lot of this negativity by myself. It's a habit I got into all the years I spent thinking I was having so much fun drinking and "you are not going to tell me how much to drink or when to stop", that now I have to spend a lot of effort on untangling. The lies and deception I have done to even myself alone is/are truly unbelievable. However, I am not a quitter and I have no plans to ever drink again. All this crap I am dealing with now, in the aftermath, is still 100 times over better than any day I spent drinking.
Two things I keep telling myself is "Nobody said it was going to be easy, they only said it would be worth it" and "Not everybody will do the things I do because not everybody has a heart like mine". So when I feel like giving up, I know it will be worth the journey and when I get down or feel like things are attacking me, I know not everyone is as caring, loving, and giving as I am, so I won't get in return what I give, but it's important to keep giving.
Today makes 53 sober days and I am a work in process, one day at a time. Thank you Lord for not turning your back on me.
Happy Friday
