It's lovely that you have a generous heart.
What I'm learning about this Family Disease of Alcoholism is that I have a "dis-ease" of perceptions and proportions. Sometimes my heart gets too wrapped up in others, or I'm trying to avoid dealing with my own feelings. Sometimes I don't want others to feel pain, or to try to ease it or take it away. I'm learning that isn't my job.
When I want to reach out to someone I haven't had contact with in a long time, or with possibly poor timing, I try to take a look at myself and my motives. Then I come up with a new action to take... whether it's as basic as washing clothes or car maintenance, or doing a good deed for someone I don't know. Passing it forward can be a neutral feel good thing, and I can do it anonymously in memory of someone.
Gentle hugs, Bernadette. What a great action in posting here and giving yourself time to think about this first.