Firesprite-
I am not 100% sure what I want to say in this post. I think I just want to say that I am right there with you in the confusion of healing your stuff and how ingrained it can be with stuff with our FOO.
I am so confused right now with my own "mom stuff," right now. I think part of the confusion for me is that I am realizing that I am working on healing multi-generational hurts for/in myself, but that it is hard to realize that I cannot offer that healing to the wonderful woman in that lineage.
Also I wanted to say thank you so much for you writing what Brene Brown wrote regarding parenting in another post. I bawled, copied it, brought it to my therapy session and bawled again.
Finally for me only I just wanted to name that my recovery has been multi-dimensional. ED stuff, choosing someone with problem drinking in their life etc.....but I truly feel that I needed those experiences to crack open the healing that you are talking about right now.