I believe that alcohol is a mind altering substance that changes and damages the brain, both physically and biochemically.
I am a recovering alcoholic. I did some outrageous stuff while under the influence. I made decisions that were dangerous. I made very poor choices. I told inappropriate people how awesome they were and I said horrible, abusive things to the people I love very much. I physically acted out by hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, pushing, and sometimes even biting people I cared about. I went home with strangers to keep the party going. All that mattered was staying high /drunk and I didn't even care about myself.
Does it matter that if I'd been in my right mind and not drunk (sick in the head) I never would have done those things?
Does it matter that I'm sober now and instead of saying something mean I keep it to myself? That I consciously choose to NOT say what I would have no filter for if I were drinking?
It isn't whether I meant what I said or not, but the fact that I didn't mean to say it at all. I was incapable of stopping myself from doing stupid sh!t. I take full responsibility for what I did or did not do while drinking. I'm not blaming the alcohol. I didn't have someone stick a gun to my head and force me to drink, even though I knew it was bad for me and caused all kinds of problems.
I never would have done those things if I were sober. That doesn't mean the thoughts didn't cross my mind, it means that while I was drunk I wasn't able to make good decisions.