Genus:
I agree with what you said. Sometimes I try to "analyze" *why* my father and mother, and several girlfriends, were abusive to me. I'd try to rationalize some of their behavior... one of my sisters thinks that my mother may have been molested by a relative when young...
My psychologist calls it: "analysis paralysis," The "bottom line" [I'm an accountant... :-) ] according to my therapist is that they did the abuse. Period. My mother would occasionally threaten me with "worse than death" if I talked to anyone about what was going in our house... so, deep down inside, she knew it was wrong.
I'm attempting to focus on what I call "male & female mentors;" adults that were supportive and positive to me as a child and teenager. My father was a salesman and I could never believe anything he said: his actions told me all I needed to know about how he felt towards me. I know he never loved me, and over time, I have come to accept it, although at times it makes me sad.