Welcome to SR, Bonaqua. My drinking was a lot like yours. Automatic. Habitual. Without much pleasurable effect other than to numb me until I passed out. If I didn't drink on a particular night, my sobriety would force me to remember how much I drank on most every other night. And how guilty I felt about that. So, to avoid those thoughts, I drank again - to try to forget the guilt, and the other unhappy things in my life - only to have those thoughts push their way back the next day. And so the cycle would continue.
5 years like you. Or 15 years like me. It doesn't really matter, does it? We know NOW that alcohol is ruining our lives, our careers, our health, our relationships. So, having experienced that insight that many alcoholics never really experience, why not take advantage of it, and commit completely to sobriety? Now.
Since you have been reading the forums here at SR, you know that there are hundreds, probably thousands, who have half-heartedly tried to quit, have resumed their drinking, and have regretted it. See if you can find one SR member who has quit, has stayed sober, and regrets it. I don't think you will find one.
That should make your decision easier.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
