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Old 08-17-2015, 01:59 AM
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Today

Hi everyone,

I have spent a lot of time reading posts on this forum. And decided now was a good time to post something of my own. I have been struggeling with alcohol addiction on and off for the last 5 years or so. I dont think I ever in this time reach my 7 day sober goal as I have set for myself many times.. It is hard to quit, when drinking has become such a huge part of my daily routine.

I have tried to identify why I drink, and no clear reason has presented itself. I have two beautifull kids, I have an amazing girlfriend, we live in a nice calm place. I hate my job though, but many people do without drinking.. I notice that I am afraid of being sober in the evening, so I use all day to plan on ways getting drunk without nobody knowing. In my head my AV tells me that it is going to be a terrible evening if I do not get enough alcohol. It is impossible for me only to drink a beer or a glass of wine, if I do the craving for more gets to incredible more powerfull. I dont even get drunk anymore, not the way I used to anyway.. I just drink and drink until everyting is blurry, and then pass out in bed. There is absolutly no fun or enjoyment connected to it at all, but still I do it again and again. Waking up in the morning, hating my self even more, telling my self this is it.. Then the day moves along and suddently I find my self planning ways to get drunk again..

It is madness to keep these patterns, as I know they are destroying me, and those around me. It is so easy to fool oneself.

Strange how the mind works as I read trough some posts on this forum and see people been drinking daily for 10, 20, 30 years.. My AV then tells me "Hey, then its not so bad. I have only been drinking for 5 years. I could keep going at least 5 more!"....

So thats me, or at least the addiction part of me.

Whats positiv is that today I woke up feeling quite different. Like I have som sort of new drive to be done with this nasty ****. So today is my first day sober. Going to stay that way all trough the day.

Thanks to anyone willing to read Feels good to let out some deep feelings. I see there are alot of incredible people here who have done so well and that is so inspiering!
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Old 08-17-2015, 02:04 AM
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Welcome to the forum Bonaqua

If you can stop now, at 5 years in, you'll be forever grateful to yourself

There's a lot of understanding and support here to help you do that

D
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Old 08-17-2015, 02:17 AM
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Welcome. It is great you have joined us. There is a ton of support here and life is so much nicer without drinking. This is from someone still in withdrawal and having a tough time with it. It is STILL better than drinking was.
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Old 08-17-2015, 02:41 AM
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Be strong in your resolve to quit. Don't hope you can, make it happen.
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Old 08-17-2015, 02:51 AM
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It is totally possible to change. And take it from someone who has been struggling for nearly 20 years, STOP NOW! It only gets worse and worse and worse. To think of the pain and mess I could have saved myself had I stopped 15 years ago….
Come on here whenever you need to. Start putting together a plan for how you will handle the evenings. Can you take your children to a park or go for a run? You could even hit up an AA meeting. You need to get a plan in place BEFORE you hit the critical time period. I learned that the hard way.
Best of luck to you!
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Old 08-17-2015, 03:01 AM
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don't wait until something happens to completely change your life like I did. Do it now.

Welcome
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Old 08-17-2015, 03:38 AM
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Welcome to SR Bonaqua.

I could have written that exact post myself. Now is the time to jump off the crazy train, I've never once seen it get better with continued drinking, and believe me I've tried. But it DOES get better when you stop, no matter how scary it is before you take the plunge.

So much support here!
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Old 08-17-2015, 04:58 AM
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Like you , Bonaqua, I tried that 7 day goal.
Tried to quit for seven days on two occasions.
Promised my wife that if I couldn't stop drinking for a week, I'd go to AA.
For me, Not being able to stop drinking for a week meant that I was alcoholic.
This was my acid test.
Two times I failed.
Did I go to AA?
No way.
I just drank more secretively than before.
Finally, she said she was leaving me.
I went to AA.
Amazing.
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:11 AM
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Well done.
Stopping drinking was probably the smartest thing I ever did.
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:57 AM
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I am right here with ya!
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:10 AM
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5 years is a long time. Do you remember it with mostly happy moments? Or are they hazy? Why not at least take a few months off from drinking and see how you feel compared to now? Are you more present in each moment? Are you less worried about your health, where your money goes?

For me quitting drinking is scary. How will I socalize at parties? How will my family/friends/doctor think of me when I say I don't drink anymore?
Continuing to drink is way more scary. I am slowly poisoning myself. Is that stomach pain liver failure? I just bought booze yesterday, I wonder if anyone will notice if i go back to the store today... There are so many more things that can snowball if we continue to use. There are so many opportunities for us to improve ourselves and our situations if we stop. You can do this if you want to! Save yourself the trouble that will come if you continue drinking! I am 28 and first started to recognize that I had a problem about 4 years ago (about 6 years into my drinking career )... I wish I had stopped then.
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:37 AM
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Welcome to sr bonaqua
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:01 AM
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Wow! I did not expect this much response and encuragement! Thank You all for sharing your experiences and wise words, they meen more then I can explain!

So far so good, heading home from work now. Normal stop now would be a liquer store, but not today!
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Old 08-17-2015, 08:26 AM
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Stay strong Bonaqua , Glad you want to start your journey into sobriety Kick that AV to the curb !! . Each day will get easier . Always plan ahead - Post when you hit a wall .. You can do this ( 10+ years in the bottle ) it's doable .
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Old 08-17-2015, 08:32 AM
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Bonaqua, your post was well written and very thoughtful. Please keep in touch with us here.
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Old 08-17-2015, 10:00 AM
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Welcome to SR, Bonaqua. My drinking was a lot like yours. Automatic. Habitual. Without much pleasurable effect other than to numb me until I passed out. If I didn't drink on a particular night, my sobriety would force me to remember how much I drank on most every other night. And how guilty I felt about that. So, to avoid those thoughts, I drank again - to try to forget the guilt, and the other unhappy things in my life - only to have those thoughts push their way back the next day. And so the cycle would continue.

5 years like you. Or 15 years like me. It doesn't really matter, does it? We know NOW that alcohol is ruining our lives, our careers, our health, our relationships. So, having experienced that insight that many alcoholics never really experience, why not take advantage of it, and commit completely to sobriety? Now.

Since you have been reading the forums here at SR, you know that there are hundreds, probably thousands, who have half-heartedly tried to quit, have resumed their drinking, and have regretted it. See if you can find one SR member who has quit, has stayed sober, and regrets it. I don't think you will find one.

That should make your decision easier.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
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Old 08-17-2015, 10:10 AM
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Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support here.
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Old 08-17-2015, 10:39 AM
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I could copy and paste your description of your life and sign my name. I have an amazing 8 year old son, an awesome girlfriend, a supportive ex-wife, live in a great city and yet......

The bottle clouds my thoughts and preoccupies my mind from wake until the first sip in the evening.

I'm pulling for you man. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:23 PM
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Good morning!

Again thank you all so much, I am quite speechless in regards to the support I have received here. You are all making so much sence to me.

@kamm Your post made me think when you ask how I look back on the last 5 years. You are right, there are very few good memories. Divorce, sale of our house, bad financial times and so on. I realy dont think about it, because that meens that I have to face the fact that a huge part of these events was caused by my alcahol abuse..

@NestWasEmpty Thank you! Im kicking the AV hard Amazing job on 10 years +!!

@FrankLapidas Thank you! I will hang around and keep you updated as much as I can

@firstymer I know what you meen, late last night when my mind was getting kind of obsessed with the thought of something to drink, I went out to the garage where I have hidden a **** load of empty bottles. And just stared at them, I could not think of anyting else then: "This is insane.." You are completly right. 5 or 15 years does not realy matter. I need to change this now. Thank you!

@lessgravity It sounds like you to have a lot to be happy for in your life! Im pulling for you to man, lets do this!
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:33 PM
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Day 2

Day 1 is over, and day 2 has started for me.

Yesterday did not go to bad actually. The night was terrible with night sweats and just a couple of hours with sleep. Had a bad period after work as I expected. But I find that the urge to drink is so much more overvelming when i am hungry. Usualy i would skip dinner and drink instead. But eating a good meal yesterday took the edge of for a while.

Today, I feel shaky and kind of mind foggy but still with this same strange underlying energy and determination that I hade yesterday to realy quit it this time. And that feels good!

So, here we go day 2!
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