Ny, Do you see the similarities? An alcoholic can stop for a short time, but then relapses and drinks. Same for us alanon's, Unless you work at it, nothing changes. Its very hard, if it was easy there would be no reason for this amazing forum!!
I went to 2 open aa meetings, 2 alanon meetings and SR in the evenings, each week for about 10 months straight. I was pretty sick!!!! I was with my A for 34 years, and was very entangled with him. Talk about being destructive to me and him. You can't expect to make permanent changes in a few days. They say a big strong oak tree doesn't grow in a day. Hit some meetings, read in all the forums, Alcoholism, new to recovery and friends and family. You get an awesome perspective from everyone here. Cut yourself some slack and just sit back and read what people say. Something will click, every day.
I have about a dozen pages of stuff that I have cut and kept over the last year. I read and repost if someone is in need. These people are so knowledgeable about addiction. If you stick around you will "change"!! Hugs my friend!!