Thanks Lexie, I know I'm not in control I guess control is the wrong word and as I'm trying to watch my controlling behaviour I should stop using the word lol. Suppose what I mean is that although it's a cross petition I am showing him that I won't sit by and let him decide when he wants to proceed. I won't let him manipulate me any longer. I will do whatever I have to push this divorce forward.
Thanks hopeful I'm not sure I do hate going through with the divorce I've accepted that it has to happen and I need it to happen for me. I think I. Finding the loss of all my hopes and dreams harder and the feelings that come with suddenly being on my own after so many years with one person and coming to terms with all my own feelings that have been stuffed down for too long and ignored. Still a bit conflicted I think.
Thanks daydreamer, I'm looking forward to the day when I finally feel free!
I will not contact him again. I know now this is my need to fix everything to make sure that whatever I've done wrong I can make it right and that people won't leave me and they want to be with me but again disrespecting my own myself and my gut instinct. I think!!
Had my 3rd counselling session tonight it was strange. The counsellor is a Christian and yes I believe in God and pray every night and day but she kept talking to me about Jesus dying on the cross for our sins and reciting verses from the bible and as God loves me I should love myself. Yes I believe in God but that doesn't mean that because God loves me I love myself. I have a lot of FOO stuff to work through feelings of never being good enough and years of unhealthy relationships , thoughts and behaviours. I don't really know how I feel about it but I don't feel that I gained any understanding into me!!