Thank you everyone. you are all right of course.
I need to stop picking up the pone, because he knows just how to hurt me andmake me quesiotn my decisions.
Apparently if I had gone away for work as I was supposed to none of this would have happened as he would have had a reason to not drink (looking after the kids). Doesn't matter that he HAS been doing that...Oh but whats a few beers before I pick kids up from school?
And also....if it were I who was the alcoholic, and I had relapsed, then he'd be holding me close and loving me better, not throwing me out onto the street. Regardless o whether I wanted to stop drinking or not.
Apparently we can 'never come back' from my 'cruelty', that he'll never forgive me and never forget what I have done to him.
I know its quacking and drunken ramblings but gosh it hurts. Time to turn the phone off,