So glad to hear from you, Spaulding. Many of us have followed your story and cheered you on, and we are still here for you when you need us.
It does take time to grieve and move on, a bit at a time, back and forth, but it happens.
Now I know I need to do the work not to feel responsible, or to flip out about it. It's just. Really. Flashback-y. I've done that before. I've had to do that for my mother. Ans when I phrase it like that? I start to realize what I've gone though.
A couple of thoughts on this - - When I left my now XH over 3 years ago, it took me a long time to realize how bad it had been and how much I had suppressed who I was and what I needed because he was always at the top of his list (and mine). I didn't understand who I had become and how far from normal my perspective had gone.
That takes time, and therapy, and a lot of healthy introspection.
As for your sister, that is a scary scenario, especially having just lived through your experience with your mother's decline and death.
Can you talk with her about her drinking? Is this just a one or two time thing, or do you see it as a pattern? If you can have a real conversation with her, maybe you can get some clarity about the path she's starting to follow.
I remember that she was away a lot of the time your mother's health was failing. Is it possible that she doesn't understand alcoholism and the fact that she is more at risk because of your family history and the genetics of alcoholism?
Having said that, her path is not your path, and you don't need to be a mother to her. This is your time to heal and think and grow and focus on what you want for your future. You didn't cause her problem, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
You can, however, set clear boundaries for yourself. Maybe, after some reflection, living with your sister won't be something you can choose if she continues to drink so heavily. That's ok, sad and distressing, but ok.
You get to live your own life now and focus all your energies on yourself and your future.
Hope you'll post more often, we're here for you.
ShootingStar1