Thanks very much, friends. Before I jump to the conclusion, I will react...
Venecia - yes of course I do feel the need to be creative and have felt this way in pretty much my entire life. And I think I lived up to it, I very much feel like my life has been a complex creative act, and I am the artist directing it. As for actual art work, I have done a lot of graphic art and some music. It's just that sometimes the inspiration comes from the wrong place, and I need to recognize that and adjust the "play" accordingly, like now.
Also, in answer to your question, I talk with my therapist about my eating disorder a lot, it's intertwined with many many things in my life, actually I think more than alcoholism per se (not to minimize the impact of alcoholism). As for it's being "analytical" -- well I think that's more or less just a description of the treatment modality that my therapist uses (and I like that method also even just on the theoretical level), but in the reality of it it's very much about emotional communication, and it's far from one-way the way we do it at least. So yeah, talking about the BP is nothing unusual, we did talk about it a lot yesterday also, but ultimately it's all about my behavior and actions outside of the therapy office, including the decisions how I act on my impulses and desires of course.
Cow - quite interesting... for me, anorexia/bulimia was the first clear manifestation of my addiction-like issues (starting at ~age 10), but of course thinking about it more deeply, I have definitely had control problems even before. Before I even remembered, I am finding recently.
BigS - thanks a lot, my friend... you know what I was thinking reading this post? That I do often tend to project things on people and imagine similarities, but the similarities between you and I in terms of how we manage our lives and how we live it are not imagined, I don't think so. Yes I will get through this, and I am very vigilant about what I did last weekend and where it could potentially lead, no way I want to get there. It was already a bad enough decision, no more similar ones will leave this head of mine
