Aellyce,
Damn. So sorry to hear about your dad's passing. I know it's been on your mind for a long time now - so you must be feeling a wave of emotion crashing over you after hovering for a while. I can't imagine your pain in losing your father, and again I'm so sorry to hear it. My sincere condolences, haennie.
I didn't read all the replies, but I think you've got some great ones. Take solace in the words of comfort you've found here, and anything that's not helpful can be left behind. The mere outpouring of support shows how much people here value your opinions, thoughts, and contributions here on SR. I think ArtFriend had a great insight in regards to "retreating into your intellect", which I found very on point. You're naturally searching for a pattern to latch on to, something to help this make sense. It's a completely normal human reaction, which is why you see so many turn to the Gods of their choice during moments like this. Since that kind of thing is not exactly your cup of tea (I'm guessing), you're trying to figure this out on paper. And yet...there's nothing to figure out. It's okay to be sad, confused, lost and depressed. And remember, you have permission to feel that way. Considering you have to fly abroad, make arrangements, etc...it might be helpful to try and compartmentalize your duties. You can take care of everything one step at a time, no need to overwhelm yourself by looking too far ahead right now. Again I am so sorry to hear the news. You'll get through it, we know you will. In the meantime, take care of yourself. All the best to you and your family during this difficult time.