Hi, Aellyce,
I don't know much about the processes involved in your therapy, though the impression I get is that it's very analytical. I'm reluctant to ask you to discuss the details of your conversations with your therapist. You've made mention of therapy before but -- if I recall correctly -- not gone into specifics. And I think you're well within your privacy rights to keep those conversations between you and your therapist. In fact, I think that's healthy.
But I do wonder if the bingeing and purging of your past has been a topic of conversation. I ask because I'm thinking it is something that should be addressed sooner rather than later. Food is the opposite of alcohol. The nutrients serve our bodies and help energize us.
Anyway, those are just a few thoughts off the top of my mind.
Lately, I find myself wanting to create something. Do you ever feel that? I wish I was artistic or crafty. This is something I want to pursue as part of recovery -- and in dealing with Dad's death and Mom's frailty. (She was diagnosed with macular degeneration last week, though apparently it comes in two forms and hers is the less worrisome. On that same day, she was diagnosed with shingles. Sigh.) I enjoy photography greatly and am pretty decent at it. But I want something a little more prolonged. Maybe needlepoint ...
My tai chi instruction continues to be the source of comfort and growth. Tonight, it felt like some things were really clicking. At the end of this evening's class, our instructor read a passage from Rumi. I closed my eyes as he read. I came close to tears, something that's evaded me in the year-plus since Dad died. That, I hope, is some kind of progress for me. I think that I have built up defenses around myself -- something that's related to alcoholism, but to other parts of my life, including some isolation -- that are coming down as slowly as they went up. I wasn't always like this.
One of the reasons I bring up tai chi again is that I have found peacefulness in it that also seems to evade me. I do find that my mind benefits from the shift from knowing (thinking) to being aware.
It feels good, Aellyce.
Stay close. We're here.
You're among friends, Aellyce.