Welcome to our family, HealthyLiver. You found a place where you can be yourself & everyone will understand.
I can relate to much of your post. I was older, too, when I began to have serious trouble with alcohol. My son had grown - I was freer than I'd ever been - so I set about to really intensify my drinking. I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol either - so I didn't stop the way you intend to. I kept going until I got a DUI, disappointed my family, my boss, all the things you're concerned about. You can avoid all that. We're here to help.