Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 2
Hello
I usually start with a greeting when I post on forums, but I don't plan to put my name at the end of this so please forgive my lack of a Hello.
I'm sitting in an airport right now. I went to bed last night thinking that I was finally going to stop drinking, but once I got here I sat right down at the bar and ordered a Bloody Mary. If NC didn't have laws prohibiting them from being sold before noon I would be drinking one right now. Since I have to find something else to do for 2 hours, I found your site and wrote this post.
I've wanted to quit drinking for a while now. I actually did stop buying big bottles of liquor this year. At my worst I was finishing a 1.5L bottle of whiskey every 2-3 days. I still drink 12-14 beers a day, however, starting in the morning and ending at night. I do buy nips and small bottles of liquor too, at least once a week but it's been increasing lately. I usually drink 2-3 beers during lunch. It hasn't seemed to have affected my job (I program in a cube all day). I may have gotten hints from some people that they've noticed, but my performance is good and I've never been officially approached about it. I often have open beers when I drive, especially in the morning or when I drive home from work. I drive particularly safe, but I know it's just a matter of time before I get pulled over for something and then I'll be in a lot of trouble. My memory does seem to be suffering, and I have also gained a lot of weight.
I went to the doctor a few months ago and explained to her that I was worried about my drinking, and asked her to test me to see if it was affecting my health. She said my liver tested normal, but she warned that by the time it tests bad that it is already too late. She tried to get me go to a substance abuse doctor, but they wanted me to take time off work to attend sessions. Since drinking hasn't affected my job yet, I don't want to start affecting it by going to sessions.
Some of my background: I was a teenage dad. My son's mother left when he was young and I raised him mostly by myself. He is now 20 years old and in college. I did drink when he lived at home, but it wasn't a problem then. In a lot of ways it helped me. Working a full time job while doing all of the housework could really get monotonous and a few beers made it tolerable. We didn't have a lot of money so the only house I could buy needed a lot of work. Getting up before him to renovate, getting him ready and driving him to school, going to work, picking him up on the way home, cooking dinner, cleaning and doing laundry, and then working on the house after he went to bed ... among many other things I'm not mentioning ... I look back and I'm amazed I got through it. But I was happy at the time, I was in pretty good shape, I recognized that it was my own fault that I was in the position that I was in, and I recognized that I was the only person who was going to get me out of it. Once we got more stable and he grew up I started to have less to do, but I also started to drink more.
At this point I recognize that I can't keep this up until I end up with a DUI, or with a boss that notices/cares what I do at lunch, or too obese to recover. I sort of wish my doctor had told me that my liver wasn't fine, as that might have motivated me to stop. Each day I feel like I can always stop the next day, and say "if I haven't had a problem in this long then what are the chances that the trouble is going to stop today?" I can't say I really want to totally stop either. I can't imagine ever going to a hockey game without buying beers, or to a restaurant without buying a drink. Eating out at bars it pretty much the only place I talk to people outside of work.
Anyway...I guess that's an introduction for your Newcomers section. I didn't really ask any questions; I'm sorry if I was supposed to. I guess I'll check out the rest of your site now.
I'm sitting in an airport right now. I went to bed last night thinking that I was finally going to stop drinking, but once I got here I sat right down at the bar and ordered a Bloody Mary. If NC didn't have laws prohibiting them from being sold before noon I would be drinking one right now. Since I have to find something else to do for 2 hours, I found your site and wrote this post.
I've wanted to quit drinking for a while now. I actually did stop buying big bottles of liquor this year. At my worst I was finishing a 1.5L bottle of whiskey every 2-3 days. I still drink 12-14 beers a day, however, starting in the morning and ending at night. I do buy nips and small bottles of liquor too, at least once a week but it's been increasing lately. I usually drink 2-3 beers during lunch. It hasn't seemed to have affected my job (I program in a cube all day). I may have gotten hints from some people that they've noticed, but my performance is good and I've never been officially approached about it. I often have open beers when I drive, especially in the morning or when I drive home from work. I drive particularly safe, but I know it's just a matter of time before I get pulled over for something and then I'll be in a lot of trouble. My memory does seem to be suffering, and I have also gained a lot of weight.
I went to the doctor a few months ago and explained to her that I was worried about my drinking, and asked her to test me to see if it was affecting my health. She said my liver tested normal, but she warned that by the time it tests bad that it is already too late. She tried to get me go to a substance abuse doctor, but they wanted me to take time off work to attend sessions. Since drinking hasn't affected my job yet, I don't want to start affecting it by going to sessions.
Some of my background: I was a teenage dad. My son's mother left when he was young and I raised him mostly by myself. He is now 20 years old and in college. I did drink when he lived at home, but it wasn't a problem then. In a lot of ways it helped me. Working a full time job while doing all of the housework could really get monotonous and a few beers made it tolerable. We didn't have a lot of money so the only house I could buy needed a lot of work. Getting up before him to renovate, getting him ready and driving him to school, going to work, picking him up on the way home, cooking dinner, cleaning and doing laundry, and then working on the house after he went to bed ... among many other things I'm not mentioning ... I look back and I'm amazed I got through it. But I was happy at the time, I was in pretty good shape, I recognized that it was my own fault that I was in the position that I was in, and I recognized that I was the only person who was going to get me out of it. Once we got more stable and he grew up I started to have less to do, but I also started to drink more.
At this point I recognize that I can't keep this up until I end up with a DUI, or with a boss that notices/cares what I do at lunch, or too obese to recover. I sort of wish my doctor had told me that my liver wasn't fine, as that might have motivated me to stop. Each day I feel like I can always stop the next day, and say "if I haven't had a problem in this long then what are the chances that the trouble is going to stop today?" I can't say I really want to totally stop either. I can't imagine ever going to a hockey game without buying beers, or to a restaurant without buying a drink. Eating out at bars it pretty much the only place I talk to people outside of work.
Anyway...I guess that's an introduction for your Newcomers section. I didn't really ask any questions; I'm sorry if I was supposed to. I guess I'll check out the rest of your site now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Hey welcome to the forum x I very new into recovery and on day four. The thing is hun - only you can decide when to stop. Firstly you have to want to do it... it sounds as though your mindset is already getting that way already. The good thing is you are recognising that you want to quit, quitting itself is another matter. I wont lie to you i am finding it tough but im hopefully through the worst of my withdrawal now. For me I woke up and decided enough was enough. Ive self referred myself to drug and alcohol counselling and have sought help from my gp to help with the withdrawal. Whats really important is that if you do decide to quit you need help... detox can be fatal if you try to manage it on your own. Its very early days for me but the help of this forum has been a lifeline. You are not alone in this. If you decide to quit then there is a ton of people on this site who have been there and do understand what its like. Its good to know that you are so not alone x
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Welcome Healthy , Great job raising your son alone 
As you can see by my username - I fell into that trap too . After 10 + years of drinking heavier & heavier my body almost gave up on me . I couldn't feel the affects , because the alcohol numbed it . When hit me it hit Hard . It will creep up on you & only get worse if you keep going .
You found a Good place to work on getting Sober . Read posts & find treads they will help you understand more of what alcohol can do the longer you keep in it . Best of Luck to You . Even though your son is grown he still needs a Dad in his life . After I couldn't control my drinking , they seen me too many times that way . I've lost the closeness - they have pushed me aside . Even with 2 years sober . The damage is done
As you can see by my username - I fell into that trap too . After 10 + years of drinking heavier & heavier my body almost gave up on me . I couldn't feel the affects , because the alcohol numbed it . When hit me it hit Hard . It will creep up on you & only get worse if you keep going .You found a Good place to work on getting Sober . Read posts & find treads they will help you understand more of what alcohol can do the longer you keep in it . Best of Luck to You . Even though your son is grown he still needs a Dad in his life . After I couldn't control my drinking , they seen me too many times that way . I've lost the closeness - they have pushed me aside . Even with 2 years sober . The damage is done
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 2
Thanks guys. I'm about to get on a plane now to head home now. There are definitely some helpful things that I've read on this site already.
I do worry about how many talk about support from family and friends though. I don't really have any of this. After 10+ years of being told how much of a disappointment I was I distanced myself from most of my family. The truth is that I'm not bad and I didn't need to be around people that put me down. My single parent life didn't really give me a lot of time to make friends.
I do worry about how many talk about support from family and friends though. I don't really have any of this. After 10+ years of being told how much of a disappointment I was I distanced myself from most of my family. The truth is that I'm not bad and I didn't need to be around people that put me down. My single parent life didn't really give me a lot of time to make friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Healthyliver, I think you should be commended for all that you have accomplished, it could not have been easy. I certainly don't know that I could have done what you have done. It does sound like you are in fairly deep with the booze though. A few at lunch (during work week) and would be drinking if NC allowed serving alcohol at the time you posted. I think most would agree that's not "normal" drinking (whatever normal is). Based on your OP, if quitting drinking is something you truly want to accomplish, I think you can, because you've already accomplished so much.
I can relate to the family thing, (being a disappointment) and don't blame you for distancing yourself from that. If they have nothing positive to bring to the table, its best not to invite them so to speak. I wish you the best, keep posting.
I can relate to the family thing, (being a disappointment) and don't blame you for distancing yourself from that. If they have nothing positive to bring to the table, its best not to invite them so to speak. I wish you the best, keep posting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
Welcome to our family, HealthyLiver. You found a place where you can be yourself & everyone will understand.
I can relate to much of your post. I was older, too, when I began to have serious trouble with alcohol. My son had grown - I was freer than I'd ever been - so I set about to really intensify my drinking. I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol either - so I didn't stop the way you intend to. I kept going until I got a DUI, disappointed my family, my boss, all the things you're concerned about. You can avoid all that. We're here to help.
I can relate to much of your post. I was older, too, when I began to have serious trouble with alcohol. My son had grown - I was freer than I'd ever been - so I set about to really intensify my drinking. I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol either - so I didn't stop the way you intend to. I kept going until I got a DUI, disappointed my family, my boss, all the things you're concerned about. You can avoid all that. We're here to help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
Welcome aboard HL and thanks for sharing a little of your story
A little ambivalence is normal I think - change is scary - but there's tons of support here & it really helps
Check out our Class of July support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-14.html
all you need to do to join is post in it
D
A little ambivalence is normal I think - change is scary - but there's tons of support here & it really helps
Check out our Class of July support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-14.html
all you need to do to join is post in it
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Welcome, and I hope that you continue to read and post.
It's nice to have support from family and friends, but many of us don't have that. I hope that you decide to stop drinking and to live a sober life.
It's nice to have support from family and friends, but many of us don't have that. I hope that you decide to stop drinking and to live a sober life.
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