Thanks Venecia. Yes the intensity... I definitely have hard time relaxing mentally and have always had. I have known about myself for a long time that a key issue if I want to live a satisfying life is that I need to learn how to channel my mental energies and relax without drugs, alcohol, and other compulsions.
What I do for relaxing: well I have been into meditation for over 10 years and finally in sobriety I have learned to do it regularly. Have been slacking lately a lot though, I should definitely go back into my practice, it really helps if I am consistent with it. I took up yoga when I got sober and now know enough that I can also do it at home. I exercise 2-3x a week (go to a gym or run outside) and walk a lot -- these are extremely helpful with my anxiety. I also like hiking when I'm in appropriate environment. Unfortunately I have been neglecting most of these things recently and I believe some of the instability is due to this.
I also did tai chi in the past, with my ex who was really into it. It is indeed great for mindfulness training and more than that of course. Maybe I should start taking some classes again. Many people also recommended to me getting into some form of martial arts and I definitely get why they see me doing something like that, but has not happened so far. I mean I have not done it, of course it won't just happen.
Other than these, what I like to do best in my free time is reading, going to museums and looking at art, taking classes in all sorts of things -- these are more activities that stimulate my mental activity though.
My therapist often brings up in all sorts of contexts that being in a romantic relationship (something stable and committed) might do wonders for me in terms of mental balance, and I agree with this since in my experience some of the best times in my life were definitely when I was in good relationships with a lot of depth and substance, I'm definitely not one who is afraid of intimacy and it's indeed very good for my well-being in many ways. I do have a few close friends but that's not the same. I definitely think that I spend too much time alone and typically have no problem with it but I am also not a nun type of person and usually really thrive in good relationships (all kinds).
I also want to get cats later in the fall, I think that would be a great way for me to turn my attention outward and experience positive feelings.
Hmm actually writing this post has been quite helpful as I can clearly see what areas need attention and improvement. Thanks guys!