Hello
I usually start with a greeting when I post on forums, but I don't plan to put my name at the end of this so please forgive my lack of a Hello.
I'm sitting in an airport right now. I went to bed last night thinking that I was finally going to stop drinking, but once I got here I sat right down at the bar and ordered a Bloody Mary. If NC didn't have laws prohibiting them from being sold before noon I would be drinking one right now. Since I have to find something else to do for 2 hours, I found your site and wrote this post.
I've wanted to quit drinking for a while now. I actually did stop buying big bottles of liquor this year. At my worst I was finishing a 1.5L bottle of whiskey every 2-3 days. I still drink 12-14 beers a day, however, starting in the morning and ending at night. I do buy nips and small bottles of liquor too, at least once a week but it's been increasing lately. I usually drink 2-3 beers during lunch. It hasn't seemed to have affected my job (I program in a cube all day). I may have gotten hints from some people that they've noticed, but my performance is good and I've never been officially approached about it. I often have open beers when I drive, especially in the morning or when I drive home from work. I drive particularly safe, but I know it's just a matter of time before I get pulled over for something and then I'll be in a lot of trouble. My memory does seem to be suffering, and I have also gained a lot of weight.
I went to the doctor a few months ago and explained to her that I was worried about my drinking, and asked her to test me to see if it was affecting my health. She said my liver tested normal, but she warned that by the time it tests bad that it is already too late. She tried to get me go to a substance abuse doctor, but they wanted me to take time off work to attend sessions. Since drinking hasn't affected my job yet, I don't want to start affecting it by going to sessions.
Some of my background: I was a teenage dad. My son's mother left when he was young and I raised him mostly by myself. He is now 20 years old and in college. I did drink when he lived at home, but it wasn't a problem then. In a lot of ways it helped me. Working a full time job while doing all of the housework could really get monotonous and a few beers made it tolerable. We didn't have a lot of money so the only house I could buy needed a lot of work. Getting up before him to renovate, getting him ready and driving him to school, going to work, picking him up on the way home, cooking dinner, cleaning and doing laundry, and then working on the house after he went to bed ... among many other things I'm not mentioning ... I look back and I'm amazed I got through it. But I was happy at the time, I was in pretty good shape, I recognized that it was my own fault that I was in the position that I was in, and I recognized that I was the only person who was going to get me out of it. Once we got more stable and he grew up I started to have less to do, but I also started to drink more.
At this point I recognize that I can't keep this up until I end up with a DUI, or with a boss that notices/cares what I do at lunch, or too obese to recover. I sort of wish my doctor had told me that my liver wasn't fine, as that might have motivated me to stop. Each day I feel like I can always stop the next day, and say "if I haven't had a problem in this long then what are the chances that the trouble is going to stop today?" I can't say I really want to totally stop either. I can't imagine ever going to a hockey game without buying beers, or to a restaurant without buying a drink. Eating out at bars it pretty much the only place I talk to people outside of work.
Anyway...I guess that's an introduction for your Newcomers section. I didn't really ask any questions; I'm sorry if I was supposed to. I guess I'll check out the rest of your site now.