How to admit to others you're a drunk
Hey everybody....back again. I'm one of these that gets all motivated to stop drinking but then finds some excuse to fall back into it..like, "oh it's not that bad. I'm making a bigger deal out of my drinking than it really is. Tons of people drink more than I do."....the cycle is out of control. My issue is that I really feel like I could make some real progress if I could just tell somebody the truth...confide in somebody. My family is really weird, crazy gossipers, and I know I would just get filed away as a hopeless loser, universal disappointment, and complete failure if I let it be known I had a drinking problem. I live in the deep south where EVERYBODY is an alcoholic and nobody is really close (as far as deep, emotional relationships b/c it's kinda fruity where I'm from) so I don't have any friends I can open up to. I also live an hour from the closest AA meetings and logistics just makes it so I can't really frequent them very often. But the one issue that hurts me the most is my precious fiance, who is kinda clueless about how much I drink. I hide whiskey bottles everywhere and she only sees me sipping on a beer at night but it kills me knowing how innocent she is and how I'm not being honest. I hint around to her that there are a few alcoholics in my family history and that I need to watch myself, but I know(for sure) I'm a pretty bad alcoholic. When I bring it up I can tell she won't accept the fact that I have a drinking problem b/c she doesn't understand that alcoholics don't always fit the mold of being homeless/unemployed/irresponsible/etc. I'm a good guy...I work hard, take responsibility, have ambition and motivation...but I need to quit drinking and hiding this problem. I just need a friend, or somebody I can open up to and be 100% honest with. We go to church but even there I don't think anybody understands alcoholism and I would be ostracized for sure (that's a whole other issue, my guilt for the inability to repent from substance abuse) . I just needed to get all this out, and kinda put it in writing and see if anybody else has had this problem and what they were able to do. Thanks very much, much love to SR.