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How to admit to others you're a drunk

Old 07-25-2015, 12:41 PM
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How to admit to others you're a drunk

Hey everybody....back again. I'm one of these that gets all motivated to stop drinking but then finds some excuse to fall back into it..like, "oh it's not that bad. I'm making a bigger deal out of my drinking than it really is. Tons of people drink more than I do."....the cycle is out of control. My issue is that I really feel like I could make some real progress if I could just tell somebody the truth...confide in somebody. My family is really weird, crazy gossipers, and I know I would just get filed away as a hopeless loser, universal disappointment, and complete failure if I let it be known I had a drinking problem. I live in the deep south where EVERYBODY is an alcoholic and nobody is really close (as far as deep, emotional relationships b/c it's kinda fruity where I'm from) so I don't have any friends I can open up to. I also live an hour from the closest AA meetings and logistics just makes it so I can't really frequent them very often. But the one issue that hurts me the most is my precious fiance, who is kinda clueless about how much I drink. I hide whiskey bottles everywhere and she only sees me sipping on a beer at night but it kills me knowing how innocent she is and how I'm not being honest. I hint around to her that there are a few alcoholics in my family history and that I need to watch myself, but I know(for sure) I'm a pretty bad alcoholic. When I bring it up I can tell she won't accept the fact that I have a drinking problem b/c she doesn't understand that alcoholics don't always fit the mold of being homeless/unemployed/irresponsible/etc. I'm a good guy...I work hard, take responsibility, have ambition and motivation...but I need to quit drinking and hiding this problem. I just need a friend, or somebody I can open up to and be 100% honest with. We go to church but even there I don't think anybody understands alcoholism and I would be ostracized for sure (that's a whole other issue, my guilt for the inability to repent from substance abuse) . I just needed to get all this out, and kinda put it in writing and see if anybody else has had this problem and what they were able to do. Thanks very much, much love to SR.
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Old 07-25-2015, 12:55 PM
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Its my experience that there are more people in recovery than your realize, even in rural living. I came from a town of 1,500 people on eastern Wyoming, fifty miles from everywhere. I was also faced with meetings an hour away and what I felt was a culture of drinking.

Some things I found when I became desperate enough to seek help (which was a significantly worse spot than you're describing, by my metrics anyway):

1) Not "everyone" drinks, and certainly not everyone drinks the way I do. Everyone I chose to drink with did, but I was making the choice to associate with that level of consumption.

2) When I finally bucked up and went to a meeting, I found out just how many people were in recovery, even in a town where I thought everyone knew everyone's business.

3) Distance, "everyone" drinking, lack of support, etc were all excuses to keep me soused without having to find a proper solution.

4) If I was making excuses to stay in my addiction, I hadn't gone through enough pain to no longer make stopping/seeking recovery worth it.

I understand where you're coming from, but I also feel there's a lot of victimstance and minimization in your statements. "I take responsibility, I have ambition, etc. Do you? It seems your responsibility goes out the window to hide your drinking this way, and your ambition is to quit so long as its not too uncomfortable.

Are you DESPERATE to stop drinking? Does the pain outweigh the lying and deceit? If not, my friend, you're only fooling yourself.

If you're at that point, though, you'll find a way to those meetings or ask the right questions to find someone safe to confide in. Your significant other might be a good start if your relationship is healthy and she is supportive. Otherwise, your local phone book should have some anonymous numbers to call, which could refer you.

Remember, NO ONE can begin your recovery except YOU.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:03 PM
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I don't use terms like that or worry about explaining myself to people beyond 'I don't drink'
- I only go deeper than that with others who struggle with addiction.

Get to AA or another support group and get honest in an environment that's supportive of it.
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:12 PM
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Why not confide in people here on SR?!!

What do you do for support? because in isolation I never got far, my mind would sell me the similar fairytales and I would be tempted to drink, whereas having something outside myself to keep me focused on the task at had is what I needed, something to give me a second opinion on things!!

People who don't have an issue with alcohol, are never going to get it in the same way those that do will, I found alcoholism to be a very lonely place until I discovered SR!!!
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:27 PM
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Simpleman:
There are really two issues. One of them is medical. If you are an alcoholic (a better term than a "drunk") then, if you drink, the illness is likely to become worse as you grow older. If so, the time will probably come when you can't conceal it, when you lose your job, possibly your family. Sounds like the best way to deal with that is find a doctor who can be trusted to preserve all confidences and who can help you medically without getting you dependent on habit forming drugs. Also keep logging here on SR. The second thing is what to tell people when it's obvious you're not drinking. If they are nosey you can say that drinking interferes with medication you're taking, like for your blood pressure. If you've not got high blood pressure it's none of their business to know that. All you need say is that you take medicine which is not effective if you drink. Good luck.

W.
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:31 PM
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Thanks for the responses, yes the isolation makes a huge difference. So, just because I'm still not a frequent SR user, is it a small enough community to where many of you make friends with each other?
I definitely do not consider myself a victim by any stretch of the imagination, I assumed stating the problem is the first step towards others dissecting it and offering solutions...which is what we do, right?
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:34 PM
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Originally Posted by wpainterw View Post
Simpleman:
There are really two issues. One of them is medical. If you are an alcoholic (a better term than a "drunk") then, if you drink, the illness is likely to become worse as you grow older. If so, the time will probably come when you can't conceal it, when you lose your job, possibly your family. Sounds like the best way to deal with that is find a doctor who can be trusted to preserve all confidences and who can help you medically without getting you dependent on habit forming drugs. Also keep logging here on SR. The second thing is what to tell people when it's obvious you're not drinking. If they are nosey you can say that drinking interferes with medication you're taking, like for your blood pressure. If you've not got high blood pressure it's none of their business to know that. All you need say is that you take medicine which is not effective if you drink. Good luck.

W.
I don't find it good for my sobriety to lie about medications and such.

"I don't drink," is all I need to say.

Other things that are honest and brief:

"No thanks, not tonight. Do you have any soda?"

"I've had enough alcohol for a while."

"I decided I feel better without it."

"I don't like how it makes me feel."

"I want to get healthier."

"Alcohol and I don't get along."

"I'd rather have a juice."

"I'm done with drinking."



No reason to add lying onto my list of things to feel bad about later. There's no reason to mention alcoholism. Only person that can call me an alcoholic is me...so what's the point? Normal drinkers don't understand and other problem drinkers just are looking for someone to drink with - neither are particularly good listeners.

We understand, Simpleman. Hang out here
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:34 PM
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Maybe you should confide in your fiancé at least you will have someone to confide in. No sense hiding it from her , for the simple reason if you don't stop and get deeper into drinking - she will find out anyway . If you really truly want to stop , you need to make a plan and stick with it .
There's treads here where you can get ideas , and read others that are going through some of the same things .
One day at a time is how most do it . Good luck don't give up find ways
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:42 PM
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I bet there's a chance your fiance already knows, but just doesn't want to rock the boat, because she loves you too much.

EDIT: Then again, maybe not. My husband didn't have the slightest clue. I remember when we first moved to Budapest, I mentioned I wanted to cut down on drinking, and he was confused as to what I was talking about. I just assumed he knew I was drunk nearly 24x7.
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:43 PM
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SR is one of if not the best resource of sobriety i know of it has everything and the community is great

Im not trying to convince you if your ready to stop drinking and your thinking about that i say dive right in to SR

its anonymous its 24/7 its age varied with members from all around the world in short SR is awesome

Its down on you tho
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:47 PM
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Welcome, glad your here!

Maybe go check out a meeting - go early, stay late and share what you just did here. May find some local resources that could be helpful!?

SR is a great place - we just all had to make the commitment to sobriety above all else.

When I was ready and accepting I got sober. Before that, it was just folly.......

Keep coming back!
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Old 07-25-2015, 02:25 PM
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I agree with Bimini, I don't care for the medication excuse. There are plenty of other ways to say it honestly and simply.

In my own experience, I found that no one except my former drinking buddies particularly gave a damn whether I was drinking or not. Most people are perfectly happy with "yes I'd love a coke/water/whatever" as a reponse to "would you like a drink?" They are being polite and offering a beverage, you can be polite and accept a non-alcoholic one.

You will need to decide if you're still able to be around your former drinking buddies and not drink. Some people can be pretty persistent if they know you used to drink heavily, they will want to keep the "fun" going.

Ultimately you need to decide what YOU want and commit. You cannot let your surroundings and friends choose for you. I let myself believe I couldn't quit for a long time because of my surroundings (I owned a bar--talk about drinking culture!). I was wrong. I can and did quit while still owning that bar (I have since sold it) but I had to change my behavior. I had to be firm in my decision and not let others sway me. Sobriety had to be more important to me than anything else.

I am almost 2.5 years sober and my life doesn't even remotely resemble what it used to, it is infinitely better.

You can do this!!!
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Old 07-25-2015, 02:45 PM
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Perhaps if you could open up to your partner they maybe more supportive than you realise x keep posting here too - this forum has kept me going through my first few days x
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Old 07-25-2015, 02:50 PM
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Welcome simpleman

I'm another one who goes for the truth - a simple understated no thanks.
It reads like most of your drinking is alone and in secret tho - would that be true?
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Old 07-25-2015, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome simpleman

I'm another one who goes for the truth - a simple understated no thanks.
It reads like most of your drinking is alone and in secret tho - would that be true?
You're exactly right...i live way out in the mountains and am very isolated and so all of my drinking is alone...thanks for replying.
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Old 07-25-2015, 03:25 PM
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Yeah so maybe telling other people might not be the priority now - excepting perhaps your fiancee...?

If SR is the only real option open to you, I recommend you check out this month's support thread and post in it, at least daily:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-11.html

SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too

D
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Old 07-25-2015, 04:10 PM
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We make friends with one another on the internet, Since everything is anonymous we generally do not communicate otherwise except for what are known as private messages, which are on the internet and yet accessible only to sender and receiver.
You aren't a "victim". If you are an alcoholic you have an illness which you can do something about and which generally benefits from help from others, either personally or on the internet. If you do nothing about the illness it usually gets worse and worse until everyone knows about it and your life is an unhappy mess. There's lots of wisdom and support on SR. We can help you.

W.
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Old 07-25-2015, 04:21 PM
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You have taken the first step which is great! I'm new to SR today too! Best of luck to you and just know you are doing the right thing for yourself.
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Old 07-25-2015, 06:14 PM
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You can also post once a day in the 24 hour recovery connections thread in Daily Support forum. Commit to staying sober a day at a time.
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Old 07-25-2015, 08:16 PM
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I was about to say that you sounded like someone who drinks a bit too much and might want to consider cutting back, but nothing serious. But then you kind of threw me with the hiding whisky bottles thing. I don't know the motivation or cause of hiding bottles, but I'd think it's a pretty significant symptom. Don't you?
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