Double Dragons, I love that story about the house. So true.
For me, forgiveness and dropping all expectations helped with truly letting go. That was the hardest with my "father expectations" for X, but sadly I've gotten there too. It was definitely a step taken AFTER I worked through the anger. For me it was - detach, move on, ANGER ANGER ANGER, forgive, let go. Letting go was more of a releasing myself.
My X cheated too, and is married to her. She is a particular nationality that has a distinct appearance, and when I run into any woman of her age who looks so similar, I still get a little bit of a funny feeling. I don't think that's hanging on. In my case that's physical memory at work. I think that too will fade more with time. But letting go doesn't mean the hurt completely disappears. The scars are still there...and that's okay!