I have a new phone and was able to read the responses last night. Thanks to you all.
After reading them I realized part of this is not just letting go, but forgiving.
I have finally started to feel anger after almost 39 years of not feeling it. My exAH that got me here is a big reason I can have that emotion (due to the confusion and hurt caused in our relationship). I have not had room for forgiveness yet for him because I suspect I have really needed to learn to feel.
I have forgiven my college boyfriend. It was a sweet, appropriate relationship that was good for both of us but would never have lasted long term.
Though there is still a lot of anger to sort through I am moving through it. I suspect as I move through it this letting go and forgiving will need to also be a piece.
I know I need it. I got back from my procedure, saw my therapist to sort some stuff out and the next morning ran into my exAH's new wife (they had an affair while we were married). I mean right into her in the grocery store. I need this about her, and about him for me......I don't want to store this stuff up for the next 30+ years.
I am constantly amazed by the layers of this recovery stuff, and at least for me how long the healing can take.