((Timi)), I went through a comparative phase while I was detoxing, scared out of my mind and glued to SR newcomers forum. I wanted to see if there was anyone as 'bad' as I was. I was a hard daily drinker for 3 years. I started when my husband left for work and tried to sober up before he came home. I would drink/pass out, drink/pass out. I work from my home office so I had the latitude to do it, but obviously way too much discretionary time. My drink of choice was premium scotch and I have been sober for 3 weeks.
All my best to you, you can do this, one day at a time.
Love Pearl