New, anxiety
Hello all, the first thing that comes to my mind as I type this is embarrassment. I wish I had more contol over my mind than I do. I am in my mid 30's and have been drinking heavily since college (10 to 12 drinks a night), more on weekends and rarely took a day off. It has now been 44 days since my last drink. I am struggling !! I quit my job, I have not left the house since I quit. I have a general sense of disorientation that won't let up and feel like I am in a constant state of panic. The thought of being in public space that i can not escape from easy, freaks me out!! Even going to doctors is more than I can handle. i have had panic attacks all of my adult life, becoming more frequent as I have aged. Alochol has always been my go to medicine!! It's a bit of the "chicken or the egg" paradox for me. I don't remember having a panic attack before I started drinking so I wonder to myself... Did the alochol cause the panic disorder or did the panic disorder seek out the alochol?? I really want to have a drink to see if it would make me feel "normal" again, but I don't want give up all the hard work I have put in. Im exhausted!! I am so sick of feeling so low. I just want to see a light in the tunnel!