Welcome , Glad you found this wonderful place . As others have said , Maybe get some therapy and get them bad thoughts out . You have to deal with them , not cover it up with smoking . If you really think about it , you stopped one addiction for another . Before you get more depressed and end up with 2 addiction problems . Than matters will get out of control more.
I know where your coming from both my parents and older brother were bad alcoholics . Was not a fun childhood . I did some therapy to get a handle on that . The strong alcoholic genes caught up with me in later life . I had hope it would pass over me . Good luck