AF... I want to say something that occurred to me while responding on another thread on lying about sobriety. Some others expressed this to you here but I will also say that I really appreciate your ability and willingness to come here and tell us about your relationship with alcohol in such a straight and direct manner, whenever. In my book, this is definitely a character strength and not weakness. The struggles with drinking or not drinking is a different (albeit related) issue, but your honesty is commendable.
Why am I thinking about all this? I think because I had some thoughts myself recently about what would and could happen had I drank again or done anything crazy due to stress, overwhelming emotions or whatever. Would I come here and admit? Who would I tell? Even becoming aware of these thoughts scared me quite a bit because I don't recall having similar ones during the past 1.5 year, I was always so determined and committed to my "Big Plan". And recently I caught myself in these thoughts, and immediately started to wonder wth does it mean? Is this a bad sign in some way, something for me to be concerned about? What should I do about it? So I figured there is not much else to do but maybe talk about them (one reason why I also want to go to a few AA meetings again), to keep myself aware and not let my mind throw some sort of defense on it. And just realized this thread is a good context.
I was thinking, perhaps one reason why many people would not come here and admit drawback and flaws, especially many times like you do, is exactly because it'll generate the kind of reactions that are abundant on this thread. Of course not saying there is anything wrong with the reactions, not imo, in a sober community. But I am sure the phenomenon affects people's willingness to talk about struggles and bumps on the road. I don't think there is any other way around all this, but I wanted to express speaking up the way you do is better than hiding it in order to maintain a more flawless image and progression, in my view at least. The reactions (posts)... well, they are all kinds of views how each of us sees the topic from our own perspective and experience.
You know what I would do with all this information? The direct meaning of the actual feedback is one thing... but I would look at my own momentary emotional reactions closely (maybe with a bit of distance, like re-reading the thread and recalling how I reacted on the spot). What were the points to which I had the strongest internal reactions? For me, there is most often the true goldmine of information in there, assuming of course if I am able to look at it with a more objective frame of mind later.
Anyhow, I have written this post to myself just as much as to the OP since I recognized some disturbing thoughts in my mind recently that I don't want to keep simply untouched, and I usually get a lot more out of placing them into a larger context (even just seeing what sort of context I choose for them) rather than expressing them in an isolated way as my own concerns. So I personally find this thread quite useful
