Your brain is spiraling Dennis. You're thinking yourself into a hole.
There's nothing wrong with medication if you need it. 1 in 500 change of a certain side-effect means there's a very small change you may get it. And if you do, there will be another solution.
Don't worry about the vibe thing. I think you're scared out of your mind. Which this looping yourself into a bad mental place is based on.
I feel for you. I really do. But think clearly and keep it simple: go to shrink, take meds as prescribed. No worries. No fear. No excuses based on those. I know it's easier said than done. But you're running into a wall while the solution is simple: go to shrink, take the meds.
Wishing you everything you need.