Originally Posted by
Stratman1 
Makomago thanks for that.
You are more than welcome :-)
Originally Posted by
Stratman1 I know there must be underlying reasons as you have indicated above however I don't think that any of them are going to change, and I need to try and save myself first and foremost.
Absolutely! I have found when I look after myself first and foremost all is well with me.
As for the underlying reasons... just for the avoidance of doubt I'm not suggesting that you need to understand theirs, just that if your Dad displays symptoms e.g. alcoholism (which has causes) it's very likely that your Aunt will display symptoms e.g. controlling/codie (which are likely to be the same causes).
Dysfunction is not (ordinarily) passed onto one sibling and not the other it’s a family disease and it's generational. Everyone is affected.
My point; well….. at the start of the thread you said “thats the crux of my question basically, is she the same as them but for she hides it well?” so my short answer is Yes she is likely to be the same because they had the same upbringing.
I can't remember the source of this (I'll try and find it later), but at either end of the spectrum one could exhibit narcissit traits or at the other end caretaking traits in response to the same underlying causes and conditions but the "caretakers often move into overtly controlling methods such as anger when their caretaking des not gain them the love and appreciation they want".
Either way... "both is an attempt to get love and approval from the outside because of an inability to generate it from the inside or put simply more simply codependent".
"All forms of overt and covert control come from a false belief that Iwe can control how others behave and feel about us and that others are responsible for our feelings or we are responsible for theirs"
btw: I know the source is Margaret Paul P.h.D but I can't find the exact source of the quote!
Take it easy…