Originally Posted by
dunkelheit 
Well I'm trying to have a little fun, and all the parties I get invited to involve excessive drinking. I can't have as much fun at parties with a bunch of strangers unless I have a few beers in me (I have social anxiety, so when I showed up, my hands were shaking). But 2 beers turn into maybe 6 and then I'm waking up somewhere. I only brought 2 beers to the party, but then we went out to the bar, came back, and started drinking again. Then the only thing left was whiskey.
I know it's a bad idea to mix different types of drink, but I was feeling fine until the whiskey. Everyone forgave me because they all do drugs, and have been in similar situations, but why did this have to happen last night?
I used to have low self esteem. Was full of fear of what others thought of me. Afraid of being judged.so I'd drink " just a couple" to "lighten up".
But could never stop at " just a couple" and " lightening up" involved insanity on a regular basis, until I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism and lost the power of choice over alcohol and didn't need nor want an excuse to drink.
I didn't learn about the low self esteem and fears
until I got sober and looked at myself and how to fix it. I had never heard of this social anxiety thing I read so much about on here,so when I got sober and learned I called it what it is- low self esteem and fear.
And found some excellent non alcohol, non drug solutions.
Why did it have to happen last night? Same reason it happened to me countless times- because ya let low self esteem and fear control ya.
But then came the time I had no control. I had no choice.
Soooooo, do you want to stop drinking all together or are ya lookin for a way to " control" it?