While you see hanging out with people who are doing drugs as 'fun' - even if you need to change your perception of reality and yourself to make it enjoyable, then this will continue to happen. As others have pointed out. This didn't happen TO you. YOU made it happen. With your choices. You know what a game of Russian roulette it is for you to have a few drinks, but continue to play that game.
People on here can respond to your posts and give advice and sympathise - but only you can stop that cycle. And it won't be easy at first. You have to really want it. Want to learn a different way of living and being happy and comfortable in your own skin. Want to learn how to deal with fears, and people you hate, and the confusion of still wanting them to like and respect you, even when you do hate them.
Once you want it enough, then you'll be able to get it. Maybe that'll be now - or maybe it'll be later. Or maybe never. We all walk a different path, and it's your life and your choices. Personally, I hope you'll choose sooner rather than later.
Someone at a meeting I was at last Friday was talking about going through that stage where his drinking depressed and worried him, but it was what he 'knew' so it seemed the safer option in some weird way. Now he can laugh and say, it was like being offered a dinner he'd had lots of times before, and didn't like (He used the example of corned beef hash) and being offered something amazing but different and unknown on a big silver platter under a dome. For years he pushed away 'steak and chips' and kept taking the 'corned beef hash'. I hope, like him, you decide to brave the sobriety platter, and get to enjoy your steak and chips.
