ugh, I'm so sorry to hear this. please, please be careful - especially with rotgut cider if you've been sober a while.
I have a laundry list of physical and mental health issues. I'm officially so broken I qualify as disabled. I live alone apart from my cat - my daughter left my home due to my drinking coming up on 2 years ago when she was 13. shortly after that, the husband and the home went the same way.
I'm coming up on 15 months sober. I'm sitting in my own little flat, watching TV with my now-15 year old daughter, who has been out all day and for dinner and is catching me up on all the gossip. she stays with me once a week now and we talk every day.
I'm not telling you this to boast or to make you feel bad. I'm telling you because I want you to know it can get better. it really can, and you deserve a peaceful life.
please be well, and stay close. people care. I care.