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Enter The Dragon (yeah, drinking)

Old 07-11-2015, 02:44 PM
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Thumbs up Enter The Dragon (yeah, drinking)

I'm putting this here as a means of accountability to myself. Bought 4 litres of extra strong cider. I'm sure it will be enough to get a buzz, I took a few swigs in a public toilet and I think I will. Hopefully not enough to blackout. I doubt it but used to be when I was a kid though, for sure. I need to feel something. If that is pain and anger so be it.

That's not what I'm aiming for but (I need to block out my reality right now) it's probably better than nothing. And it is certainly better than other peoples BS all the time which is what has defined my life. I cannot handle the stress anymore. I'm not using the word lightly either as it has been manifesting on the outside of my entire body for most of my life.

I've been through chronic insomnia, clinical depression, a traumatic stress disorder and it is all still twirling away right in front of my face trying to suck me back in. I have little to look forward to either as it happens. I have had little help along the way, yes a little but mostly it's exacerbated. It's becoming a crisis situation right now. The never-ending story.
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Old 07-11-2015, 02:48 PM
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Old 07-11-2015, 02:49 PM
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What, pray tell, is a person that doesn't drink doing buying hard cider?
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Old 07-11-2015, 02:53 PM
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ugh, I'm so sorry to hear this. please, please be careful - especially with rotgut cider if you've been sober a while.

I have a laundry list of physical and mental health issues. I'm officially so broken I qualify as disabled. I live alone apart from my cat - my daughter left my home due to my drinking coming up on 2 years ago when she was 13. shortly after that, the husband and the home went the same way.

I'm coming up on 15 months sober. I'm sitting in my own little flat, watching TV with my now-15 year old daughter, who has been out all day and for dinner and is catching me up on all the gossip. she stays with me once a week now and we talk every day.

I'm not telling you this to boast or to make you feel bad. I'm telling you because I want you to know it can get better. it really can, and you deserve a peaceful life.

please be well, and stay close. people care. I care.
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Old 07-11-2015, 02:54 PM
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I'm sorry you made this choice, Strat.

Please take care.
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Old 07-11-2015, 02:55 PM
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Dump the booze man, get outside, take a walk or go to a meeting, drinking is not worth it.
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Old 07-11-2015, 02:58 PM
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... (I need to block out my reality right now) it's probably better than nothing.
Nope, it's not better than nothing. Blocking out your reality for a time doesn't change your reality. There are better ways to handle reality.

One of the hardest things for an alcoholic to do is to stop looking at alcohol as a coping mechanism...looking at alcohol as a some kind of reward. It is neither. Alcohol is NOT your friend. It does not help you in anyway. It wants only to destroy you.
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:02 PM
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Your problems will still be there waiting for you, booze is just a temporary "fix".

Wish you didn't make that choice to buy the liquor but even so I hope you stay safe and be careful.
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:24 PM
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Put it aside ASAP. It's no solution. You know full well it isn't.

Don't give up hope on your life--now is the time to stand your ground with obstacles.

I saw a quote on The Lighter Side the other day:

"Giving up on your goal be cause of one setback
Is like
Slashing your other three tires because one is flat!"
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:24 PM
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Originally Posted by trachemys View Post
What, pray tell, is a person that doesn't drink doing buying hard cider?
Really good question that and stopped me in my 'tracks' somewhat. Self medicating of course. Certainly, this is not my idea of fun and it never was.

I've been weighing it up for 2 days now, and I'm self medicating for 2 decades. I shouldnt have to medicate in any form just to survive other people.
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:26 PM
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I will be praying for you with both barrels, Strat!
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:31 PM
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Great advice here, Stratman.

I am really sorry to hear that you are drinking; alcohol will not change, help or improve your reality. It is more likelyto increase your anxiety and further dampen and depress your outlook. Hope you find the strength to pour out whatever is left.

We are in your corner; please trust us when we say that we care about you and that it is in your best interests to throw it out.
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:31 PM
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I think a lot of you strat and am very sad to hear you're drinking. I hope you decide to dump the rest.

I think your AV is walking all over you. You can deal with all the stress and this crisis without the alcohol and don't need it. If you just look at all the stuff you've been dealing with, you've been doing pretty awesome and you've been doing it all without the alcohol.
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:32 PM
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Then gift the cider to someone else and get on with your life.
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:33 PM
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I dont understand the amount of Nonchalance in your post you know by now at 6 months why you you got sober where drinking leads & what happens when you drink

As always SR will be here when your ready
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:45 PM
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I'm sorry to hear this too. I hope you pull out of the dive.

For all the false bonhomie and bravado in your post, I think you must be pretty gutted Strat...you know this is not going to work.

You've tried this before.

I shouldnt have to medicate in any form just to survive other people.
no you shouldn't - so you need to either change your situation, or change your reactions to the situation.

I'm not saying it's easy but those are solutions - drinking is just pushing the problem to one side.
D
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:47 PM
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Strat, you know drinking isn't going to solve any of your problems. It'll just lead you back down the rabbit hole. Play the tape! Put it down and, rely on your plan.
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Old 07-11-2015, 03:56 PM
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Worried for you Strat. Please be kind to yourself.
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Old 07-11-2015, 04:22 PM
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Strat I really hope you change your mind and get rid of the booze. You still can. xx
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Old 07-11-2015, 04:23 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear this. Please take care of yourself. I hope you toss that stuff out. We care about you.
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