Enter The Dragon (yeah, drinking)
Enter The Dragon (yeah, drinking)
I'm putting this here as a means of accountability to myself. Bought 4 litres of extra strong cider. I'm sure it will be enough to get a buzz, I took a few swigs in a public toilet and I think I will. Hopefully not enough to blackout. I doubt it but used to be when I was a kid though, for sure. I need to feel something. If that is pain and anger so be it.
That's not what I'm aiming for but (I need to block out my reality right now) it's probably better than nothing. And it is certainly better than other peoples BS all the time which is what has defined my life. I cannot handle the stress anymore. I'm not using the word lightly either as it has been manifesting on the outside of my entire body for most of my life.
I've been through chronic insomnia, clinical depression, a traumatic stress disorder and it is all still twirling away right in front of my face trying to suck me back in. I have little to look forward to either as it happens. I have had little help along the way, yes a little but mostly it's exacerbated. It's becoming a crisis situation right now. The never-ending story.
That's not what I'm aiming for but (I need to block out my reality right now) it's probably better than nothing. And it is certainly better than other peoples BS all the time which is what has defined my life. I cannot handle the stress anymore. I'm not using the word lightly either as it has been manifesting on the outside of my entire body for most of my life.
I've been through chronic insomnia, clinical depression, a traumatic stress disorder and it is all still twirling away right in front of my face trying to suck me back in. I have little to look forward to either as it happens. I have had little help along the way, yes a little but mostly it's exacerbated. It's becoming a crisis situation right now. The never-ending story.
ugh, I'm so sorry to hear this. please, please be careful - especially with rotgut cider if you've been sober a while.
I have a laundry list of physical and mental health issues. I'm officially so broken I qualify as disabled. I live alone apart from my cat - my daughter left my home due to my drinking coming up on 2 years ago when she was 13. shortly after that, the husband and the home went the same way.
I'm coming up on 15 months sober. I'm sitting in my own little flat, watching TV with my now-15 year old daughter, who has been out all day and for dinner and is catching me up on all the gossip. she stays with me once a week now and we talk every day.
I'm not telling you this to boast or to make you feel bad. I'm telling you because I want you to know it can get better. it really can, and you deserve a peaceful life.
please be well, and stay close. people care. I care.
I have a laundry list of physical and mental health issues. I'm officially so broken I qualify as disabled. I live alone apart from my cat - my daughter left my home due to my drinking coming up on 2 years ago when she was 13. shortly after that, the husband and the home went the same way.
I'm coming up on 15 months sober. I'm sitting in my own little flat, watching TV with my now-15 year old daughter, who has been out all day and for dinner and is catching me up on all the gossip. she stays with me once a week now and we talk every day.
I'm not telling you this to boast or to make you feel bad. I'm telling you because I want you to know it can get better. it really can, and you deserve a peaceful life.
please be well, and stay close. people care. I care.
... (I need to block out my reality right now) it's probably better than nothing.
One of the hardest things for an alcoholic to do is to stop looking at alcohol as a coping mechanism...looking at alcohol as a some kind of reward. It is neither. Alcohol is NOT your friend. It does not help you in anyway. It wants only to destroy you.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Put it aside ASAP. It's no solution. You know full well it isn't.
Don't give up hope on your life--now is the time to stand your ground with obstacles.
I saw a quote on The Lighter Side the other day:
"Giving up on your goal be cause of one setback
Is like
Slashing your other three tires because one is flat!"
Don't give up hope on your life--now is the time to stand your ground with obstacles.
I saw a quote on The Lighter Side the other day:
"Giving up on your goal be cause of one setback
Is like
Slashing your other three tires because one is flat!"
I've been weighing it up for 2 days now, and I'm self medicating for 2 decades. I shouldnt have to medicate in any form just to survive other people.
Great advice here, Stratman.
I am really sorry to hear that you are drinking; alcohol will not change, help or improve your reality. It is more likelyto increase your anxiety and further dampen and depress your outlook. Hope you find the strength to pour out whatever is left.
We are in your corner; please trust us when we say that we care about you and that it is in your best interests to throw it out.
I am really sorry to hear that you are drinking; alcohol will not change, help or improve your reality. It is more likelyto increase your anxiety and further dampen and depress your outlook. Hope you find the strength to pour out whatever is left.
We are in your corner; please trust us when we say that we care about you and that it is in your best interests to throw it out.
I think a lot of you strat and am very sad to hear you're drinking. I hope you decide to dump the rest.
I think your AV is walking all over you. You can deal with all the stress and this crisis without the alcohol and don't need it. If you just look at all the stuff you've been dealing with, you've been doing pretty awesome and you've been doing it all without the alcohol.
I think your AV is walking all over you. You can deal with all the stress and this crisis without the alcohol and don't need it. If you just look at all the stuff you've been dealing with, you've been doing pretty awesome and you've been doing it all without the alcohol.
I'm sorry to hear this too. I hope you pull out of the dive.
For all the false bonhomie and bravado in your post, I think you must be pretty gutted Strat...you know this is not going to work.
You've tried this before.
no you shouldn't - so you need to either change your situation, or change your reactions to the situation.
I'm not saying it's easy but those are solutions - drinking is just pushing the problem to one side.
D
For all the false bonhomie and bravado in your post, I think you must be pretty gutted Strat...you know this is not going to work.
You've tried this before.
I shouldnt have to medicate in any form just to survive other people.
I'm not saying it's easy but those are solutions - drinking is just pushing the problem to one side.
D
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