I think that it is a good thing that you post about your struggle with your AV. In my opinion part of overcoming the addiction is by challenging the thought processes that cause the addiction, which you are doing by going through them and writing about them.
MOS is right it does sound like your AV is having a tantrum. Mine had a few too, but I ended up letting it win and drank. In the morning I was still an alcoholic but I also had a hangover and hated myself.