Just remember how you feel now, and realize you never have to feel that way again.
Easy to say, but it's been keeping me sober for four years. That, and reading posts like yours help keep me sober.
I always feel for the Newcomer. I know all the horrors of the alcoholic. And I was a bad one.
Sending good thoughts your way, and I hope you stick around to read and post.
Best to you.