It is stressful, Debbie. And what you said I am in agreement. I need to take a leaf out of your book for once and for all. Good to hear that you are doing well.
Makomago thanks for that. We are in agreement and it has been against my wishes that I am even having to study this stuff in real time, once again. However this time I am sober, and I am learning fast. It's both of those here now indeed. Her primary MO is the covert controlling behavior (although it is plainly obvious now) and when I choose not to interact which has become my stance (i.e. no thanks I don't want anything from you) it quickly switches to the other. It's just festering away here in one form or another. It's a really warped situation or me but I'm glad to be finally getting a handle on this stuff. I know there must be underlying reasons as you have indicated above however I don't think that any of them are going to change, and I need to try and save myself first and foremost. They can all have at each other and it's only right. I would like to maybe understand some of those reasons in more detail someday, but not while I am still in the thick of it as now and then. I have to accept that they have no desire to change. I have tried everything bar submitting my will to them, and that is all they want seemingly. I have been bitten a million times over already and here I am still running the gauntlet. I must have had a lot more faith over the years than I could have known.
I need to GTFO of these situations and learn the skills to not end up compromised by them again. I've been eager to hear about this referral but so far I have heard nothing. By the way, I made a comment in haste earlier (nothing new) about not needing any validation from anyone. For the most part it's true, however I was thinking about this referall after I got it as to what is the point of it for me. Validation from those people would not go amiss at all. I presume they are not going to gaslight me as well, because that would be bad. Aside from that, and it is my most immediate dilemma here and now with the court coming up and it's this: I cannot bring any kids into this situation even though it is where I am living. I have known this subconsciously from the start, I have a kid in another country and I timed a visit from them at a time she was on holidays. They wanted to visit and it was the only viable way for me though I didn't know why. When she got back then and found out she was angry, and insisted that I was meant to ask her permission and must do so in future! (for my kid and ex to visit while she was away). I'm pretty sure that my next blackout afterwards was centered around that situation, I will spare you the details. This is no fun, it is a stressful old life. Cheers hey.
(edit) Mike I just seen your comment and thank you. I appreciate it and you are correct. What does 'foo' abbreviate for guys I have been trying to figure out?