SwimKim, I too have been feeling vulnerable at 11 weeks. I see a trend with us though: feeling the anxiety with dealing with not drinking in a "drinking" situation. I recognized that over the last two outings I had. One was a seemingly safe bbq where there was a bit of wine at dinner (at the time it was a life threatening, dreadful, heart palpitating disaster waiting to happen! But, when I think of it now, the wine was put away after dinner and everyone enjoyed an alcohol free evening!) and then again when I went camping for one evening with a friend. She had a beer or two, I had my alcohol free beer, and it was great...until we stopped by the neighbors, and they were drinking up a storm. I wasn't tempted to drink, but it was hard to watch and engage with people who where hammered.
I have decided to stick to where I feel no anxiety and that is at home with my family. I know that I can't be a homebody forever, and that life will continue to happen, but for the next little while, I need my sanity! I have decided to not go away on vacation this summer. The thought of being in wine country (that is where we were going to go), being with wine drinking family is just too much. It's not something that I am looking forward too, so I won't do it.
Alcohol gave us that feeling of an instant reward, reward for working so hard, reward for putting up with crappy people, , reward for cleaning up the house, reward for making a sale etc etc. It's human nature to want to reward ourselves.
Not drinking this week, so I will buy my granddaughter a wagon with all the money I am saving! I did not drink this past weekend, so I will treat myself to a pedicure. Not drinking today, so after work I will sit on my deck with my iced tea and a great book.
Also, we need to have positive goals to work towards. It's the anticipation of something wonderful to come that keeps us moving forward! I'm still working on this one. I know my ultimate plan is not drink, ever, but that is not enough. It's not concrete, I have nothing to measure my results. So I am looking to make some goals for the future in which I know I could not do if I was on the constant binge drinking cycle that I was on before.