Nope, no one could ever take her place, and I know you all aren't suggesting that. It makes sense to be sure I am surrounded by those who love me. And I am.
I just will take time, as all things do.
I guess it's just an awful mix of fear that I have already lost out on so much from my circumstances, and also from my own actions; and that I will continue to do so in some ways. I feel like I wasted so much time of my life in a few different ways, and I'm afraid I'm going to just keep on doing the same thing.
Or that I will do stuff, but I'll just keep feeling blah. That I'll feel like I'm just going through the motions, as it's felt for a long time.
I do have a job, full time, which is good! And I'm going back to school in September, which is good (and scary) too. We'll just have to see where I lead my life (instead of where life will lead me, because I have more responsibility over it than I usually let myself see. Rephrasing it that way I guess, is a way to recognize that).