It's so weird. It's taken a while for it to hit me.
It's just. I'm missing out on so much with her. I've already missed out on so much with her. I'm tired of missing out. I've missed out all my life and in so many ways. And now I have the rest of my life to keep on missing out on sharing my life experiences with her.
It's awful. It's just sinking in that I will never get to see her again. That things never had the chance to get better. It's so awful. I hate it.
And while I know that living the best life I can live is the best way to honour her memory, it just feels so hard. Life has been so hard even before her death. Stupid and simple things have always been hard for me. . ANd now it all just seems harder. It just seems worse.
I feel so empty. I've felt this way for a long time. And somehow it got worse.