Oh, yes...Bob....firebolt is very articulate (as usual) in explaining one of the basic "rules" in dealing with an alcoholic--- Rule No. !---It is a waste of your time to talk to a drunk.
The "pattern" that you describe, above is one that is an almost universally common one of deflection......a manipulation or maneuver to keep the spotlight off of them and onto someone else (you).
This serves several valuable purposes for the perpetrator......
It makes You the "problem".......
It keeps you off-balance because it is very confusing ......
It often gives them a justification to continue to drink.......
etc........
All this comes as an unwelcome surprise to that partner who tries, valiantly, to use the rules of human relationships that they learned growing up (normal rules) on a dysfunctional relationship.
Addiction turns all the usual rules topsy-turvey.....WHO KNEW?
I, again, beg you to go to the thread "QUACKERS" and read for your entertainment as well as your edification.!!!!!
Honestly, it will amaze you....
A lot of what your wife is doing probably falls under the heading of QUACKING.
It is time that y ou became acquainted.....LOL!LOL!!
(there will be a pop quiz later, this week)
dandylion