Originally Posted by
SeriousKarma 
A question has been floating around in my head for a few days now, Bob, that I think could help you to move forward.
Who actually starts these arguments? Does your wife, perhaps sincerely, think it's you? Is it possible that you speak to your wife in a condescending way, and that she feels she's defending herself against your "tone"?
SeriousKarma, you took a couple phrases I wrote individually and applied them out of context as the premise for these questions. They were referring to one specific situation that I believe I noted as having been an exception.
Does she FEEL she is defending herself against my tone? Every minute I am breathing, yes. Am I speaking to her in a condescending way that usually results in an argument, no. Of course if you ask her, completely blank facial expressions are often perceived as ugly and negative gestures and, depending upon her mood, anything I say can be construed as having been in a negative tone, so it seems the answer depends upon who you ask and/or who you choose to believe.