Wowsa-wow-wow-WOW!
The last several posts/discussion of "crazy", invitations to fights (great analogy!), and the point of arguing as if the foe is going to finally see the light are just SOOO spot-on! I know we are all human and have similar problems, but these remarks and insights are so incredibly nail-on-the-head for me right now its amazing. Thanks folks - this has been inspirational for me in another time of perceived desperation.
I'm still hoping to find some way to honor my marriage vows and save my "family" while also being INTOLERANT (there, I said it!) of the quakadoodle-doo and offensive and stupid actions (please see my recent post regarding boundaries/rules - sorry 'jjj' if I was too raw).
If I may confuse things more un my ADHD rambles: I think that MY WIFE WAS NOT INTOXICATED when this last blowup occurred. I think that b/c we are on this site, we are all hammers so everything looks like a nail to us, i.e. - we jump to the conclusion that all issues are substance related. At the risk of offending an overwhelmingly female "audience" (tho none is intended), this seemed more like a hormonal issue, be it monthly (she has never really had PMS issues I have seen) or a life-changer (menopause). Dear God!! Add alcohol to the hormonal imbalances and I may be 100% S.O.L. no matter what!?!?!?!
Well, bad behavior is still unacceptable, so I am still struggling mightily with how to draw a line - a border, rule, whatever - that simply can't be crossed without far more serious consequences. I'll admit this last episode was mild and I took the bait and ran with it once we were behind closed doors.
I insisted she admitted wrongdoing and even that she confess to our son at some point - which she did (but not very well). Hold the criticism pls, I know the error of my ways - - I have been quite raw after heat exhaustion and "failing" to complete the full scuba course (although I did just learn I have am certified regardless - I guess I was a good student or they trust I will complete the two open water dives I had to miss).
I found an emoticon that says it all as regards my current dilemma of how to create AND MOST IMPORTANTLY ENFORCE a boundary -- one that that does not look like a concession or walking away from a problem:
