Bob, I think everyone here has given you some great pointers...sounds like you are trying to make it work...but (yep, there it is) as I am reading my heart just goes out to you...sounds like you are walking on egg shells all the time...that is a difficult way to live..and it's not just you, but your son...I know what it is like when you want it to get better...you want it to work...you want to keep the family "together" but when I finally parted ways with my BPD and A ex father of my kids I was relieved...my home for my kids was so much more at peace...I had a lot on my plate..my kids were 2 & 3 at the time 3 & 4...but I got through it...
hugs to you...take care of you first...