I have to second what Dandylion said about "it will get easier."
A few tools that helped me in the beginning:
1 - read the QUACKERS thread if you haven't already. Every time my ABF tried to fire up the engine on the crazy train, I literally pictured him as a duck Quacking at me. No point in arguing that, huh?!
2 - You will read "drop the rope" over and over in here. Arguments, especially those insane cyclical ones that go nowhere, are a tug of war between 2 people. Both people engaged in a push pull, both wanting to "win" by having the other see clearly (or in a lot of instances, just SEE rationally
) Drop the rope. There can be no tug of war / insane dance / pointless cyclical argument between 2 people if one of them 'drops the rope' and walks away.
For a while, I would literally get up in the middle of it and walk out and go drive for 20 minutes (long enough to see my part of things, and long enough to let my fury cool down.) I know with a child in the house it's not so easy to take off.
Good luck - you'll get it with some practice, and these tools helped me.
Oh yeah - the "mmm-hmm, ok, and interesting" responses as you walk away help put a stop to them too. Really, what is she fighting for anymore if YOU give HER a crumb
