Bob, it sounds like you are getting a little taste of why boundaries are much easier to enforce than rules. Remember: rules are attempts to control other people, boundaries are designed to control what YOU are willing to do. You have tried to make it clear that you expect your wife to go to an intensive outpatient program. You have given her the materials. You have tried, in essence, to make a rule for her: she is EXPECTED to go to IOP. But she isn't following your rule! And now what? The thing is, she's a grown woman, and if she wants to drag her feet, she will, and short of physically forcing her, you can't make her seek treatment. Now if you were to set a boundary about what you are willing to put up with and what you are willing to do to protect yourself, that could be enforced. It could be something as ambitious as "I will not live with an alcoholic who refuses to seek treatment", or something as simple as "I will not pick up/pay for alcohol or pain prescriptions for an addict", or "I will not speak to someone who is intoxicated", etc. Anyway, it sounds like you're still determined to try to enforce this rule of yours. But if you see that experiment through and you find that you aren't able to force her into treatment and trick her into quitting drinking, then maybe you'll be ready to think about what healthy boundaries would look like for you.