Hi BayArea, I usually avoid relationship threads because I think they are sacred ground but feel compelled to comment, it is as follows:
Holy crap! This is serious man. I commend you for your tolerance, but I believe you need to take action. Separation at the very least. This is scarring your kids (I had parents that had brawled all night as well in my teenage years). It also concerns me that there is no remorse or regret on her part, she sounds oblivious that she is WAY off track and that this is not normal behavior. It doesn't even seem that marriage counseling would be an option because you would be truthful and she would lie and probably start to fight right then and there. I am sorry to be so blunt but her behavior is shameful to put it mildly. You and your children do not deserve this. You guys don't want to live your life like this (I would assume). Lastly, I believe this is not only toxic but bordering on dangerous. Take some action, I can't tell you what to do as it is your marriage not mine. But I wish you the best. your OP was intense. I wish you the very best man.